Words of wisdom for this week.
“The worst kind of lying is making promises that you cannot fulfill.”
– Wanamaker
Ever broken a promise?
I have. Ever had someone break one that was made to you? Well I have had numerous ones made to me both personally and professionally that have been broken. What is a promise and how does the simple fact that life happens and we can’t always control the outcomes that cause our promises or commitments to not be met?
The question is not whether you broke a promise but whether your intent was to mislead, make up for your own insecurities, manipulate others or you just couldn’t face the realities of life at the time.
Are there common reasons why people break promises? Do the people who break them even know the consequences or even devastation they can cause another?
Several months ago when I finally met the love of my life I almost blew the best thing that has ever happened to me because I was afraid to be totally vulnerable with her. Yes, I am willing to be vulnerable but I also had the fear that if she was completely aware of all of my weaknesses or shortcomings, if I was willing to strip away all of my protection devices that that would scare her away. It was a mistake. As I learned over time she would rather have reality than face disappointment. She has taught me that it is far better to express than to withhold.
It was very strange, one morning after we had spent over three hours on the phone; I was watching one of the religious talk shows. I usually don’t do that but I happened to catch this guy while he was talking about truth vs. the whole truth. So I watched and listened. And his message was clear, telling the truth is not lying but not telling the whole truth is. I’ll share more on this topic in a few weeks.
So, what is a broken promise? For starters it’s always say what you mean and mean what you say – without fear, ego and the desire to please or condemn. The other critical factor in avoiding broken promises is to decide how you choose to define a promise. Is it a commitment or just idle words spoken? Is it grounded in integrity in your intention or is it just a passing comment that you hope will never rear its ugly head again in the future. Or is it a wish and a prayer?
I understand that promises made with noble intentions can sometimes go south and that no matter how hard you try to honor them that there are always circumstances and situations that can deter you from following your initial promise – this is life. What I am asking you to consider is simply this – are your broken promises a pattern or just random occurrences from time to time. If it’s the latter why not spend a little more time in contemplation prior to making any promise. If it’s the former you might want to spend a great deal of time in introspection considering your motives, needs, insecurities, weaknesses or communication style.