Weekly Quote
"A man's way of doing things is the direct result of the way he thinks about things." Wallace Wattles
Weekly TimBit – Ever said the words – never – always?
Never – such a complex word regardless of whether it is used in an apparent positive or negative way. Have you ever said, I will "never" do that, say that again? Or, I will never leave you or I will never disappoint you or I will never – whatever – again?
Never – an adverb indicating that something will not happen again at any time or that somebody will definitely not do something ever again. I have been guilty on many occasions during my life of using this word without giving it much thought. Last night my lady friend pointed out that I had used the word to indicate that something would never happen and she said, "How do you know?" That got me to thinking as we discussed this word and its various connotations. I might add that she has been a wonderful teacher and guide as I grow into my later years. Her insight is refreshing and validating as well as challenging.
If you don't have someone in your life that holds you accountable to what you say and don't say and what you do and don't do, it will be hard to become all that you could be in the future. Anyway, as we were talking a thought struck me. She was right, even though I had had this same revelation in the past; I seemed to be more ready for it now. Never can't possibly mean never unless you know the future and no one can or will ever know what lies around the next corner. And no one does.
The future with all of its blessings, mistakes, broken promises, unknowns, opportunities embraced and those not taken advantage of and all of the uncertainty is just too complex to ever say with certainty – never. To add to this conversation we could also discuss the word – always. In fact all of the explanations, discussions and outcomes for the idea of never can just as easily be applied to always. How do you know you will always; love someone, eat properly, exercise, be open to new ideas etc? You can't.
So what can we do or say if never and always were to be taken out of the dictionary?
First of all it it's necessary to examine your intent, motives, expectations and agendas. Are they selfish, real, possible or just fantasy? Are they manipulative? Controlling? Or are they noble, loving and unconditional?
Second, it is critical that you look deep into your mind and its history of development to see if you can discover where the need for these words and their message or apparent meaning originated. This is hard and challenging inner work, I can tell you as I have been doing a lot of it lately, but in the end if you want better now moments, you must learn how you're past experiences and your interpretation of them has influenced you. This process will help you discover where there is negative data stored somewhere in your consciousness and how it is influencing your present thoughts, attitudes and behaviors.
Third, it is vital that you evaluate how you express what you think you feel or believe. Words just words? Sorry – words are an expression either consciously or unconsciously or deliberately or subtly what you feel, believe, desire, hope for, fear or want. Yes they are only words – always – never – but I would ask you, is there some hidden meaning in their use or are they just a part of your mindset and communication patterns. Either way they will influence the people that you interact with in either a positive or negative way.
Fourth. You can learn to speak with integrity and honesty from your heart and stop letting your ego rule your desires, needs, fears and dreams. We all want something we don't have. We all fear something we don't want. But in the end these fears and desires are generally ego or mind oriented. The key to inner peace, happiness and joy is to let go of all of these and just live from moment to moment saying thank you God for this moment. I'm not implying that you shouldn't have dreams, desires or hopes, but in the end no one knows how their present moments will be or are linked to what is next in their life.
I am currently working on my 80th book called, Don't Tell Me, Show Me and last night's conversation, as with all of them with my lady friend, have given me new insight as to what is important in life as well as helping me reevaluate some paradigms and opinions that needed to be re-visited. Who is in your life that gives you this same opportunity? This inspiration? This desire and willingness to dig deep into who you are and how you got that way and how change would benefit your life? And please understand I am not referring here to invalidation, criticism, nit-picking but guiding, leading, inspiring and helping.
Question for the week
Ever said never . . . Always . . . How's that working for you?
Recommended Reading
Order a copy of the manuscript (email version – NOT EDITED YET – so please – no criticism) for my book, Don't Tell me Show Me (Only $10.00 for the email version – $25.00 when it comes off the press later this winter). To order the manuscript just send me an email with your request and we can work out the payment details.) I am making this offer as I am sure you know someone who would benefit from its ideas on how to better communicate – sooner rather than later.
In His Service,
Tim Connor