Words of wisdom for this week.
“Ask yourself whether you are happy and you cease to be so.”
– John Stuart Mill
As I observe friends, neighbors, acquaintances and people in general I am coming to believe that many people are still measuring their success by what they get or have than by what they can let go of and share. I am not implying that stuff is bad, that accumulating money is not a worthy cause or that surrounding yourself with the trappings of success and wealth (if you have them) is harmful. Having said that let me tell you what I believe are the negative consequences of only measuring your success by the accumulation of stuff, wealth or positive lifestyle benefits.
I know many people who have more money than they could ever spend. I have a number of acquaintances who are multi-millionaires and I have been to many ‘social friends’ homes for dinner over the years who are surrounded by opulence. Here’s the problem many of these people no longer enjoy these benefits or they often take many of them for granted.
Having stuff in general is not a bad thing. I like driving a car that doesn’t break down every week, being able to afford an occasional trip to the theater and a nice dinner out.
I love taking vacations to parts of the world I have never been to before and I love the freedom of not having to worry about whether I can pay my mortgage next month.
However, the question that must be asked sooner or later is; are having the things that having money gives you, giving you a sense of inner peace, true happiness and the feeling that your life has meaning, purpose and value?
Lot’s of people keep really busy so as not to remind themselves how unhappy they are. Many people spend and spend and spend so they can feel worthwhile.
If you are wealthy are you really happy? Are you really at peace with yourself and your world? If you are, congratulations. If not trust me, the chase for more will not satisfy some inner emotional or spiritual need, desire or pain. If you are poor or broke are you thinking that if you only had more money life would be better or more rewarding? It depends.
I have been both comfortable financially and broke during my life and I can tell you that neither has anything to do with how you feel about yourself or your world. Sure money can lure you into thinking that when you have stuff you are better off or better off than others because you can afford it But, do not be lulled into a false sense of security that life is about only money and stuff. There will always be people with more money than you and people with less. It’s really sad how many people are still making their life about the money.
I won’t bore you with the gory details, but I will tell you that on a few occasions in my life I have been in desperate straits and learned that people who I thought I could count on for emotional or financial help these so called friends, were not really friends at all. Tim are you saying that real friendship is just about the willingness to help others in financial need? Read on. A few people in these same situations surprised me. I would have never guessed that they would have come through for me the way they did. I am not measuring friendship here with money or emotional support. But I ask you, if you had several million dollars in the bank and your best friend was in financial trouble, what would you do? I know what I would do. You see, life is teaching me that inner peace, lasting joy and true happiness are not about what you have, but about what you are willing to share whether it is your time, talent, love, friendship or even your cash.
When it comes right down to it, I believe that if you have people in your life who would be there for you when, where and for as long as you needed them and how you needed them, consider yourself fortunate. Whether family, friends, acquaintances or total strangers it doesn’t matter. It really all depends on your personal definition of friendship.
I wonder how many people are there for others in times of need and are not just worried about themselves? Are you putting an emotional or financial price tag on friendship? Is there a limit to what you would do for those people in your life who are special in their hour of need? I am not talking here about enabling people with constant help or always bailing them out due to their poor decisions or judgments. However, there are times when all of us need a helping hand emotionally, financially or spiritually.
So, if you are still measuring your success by money, wealth, possessions, or other outward trappings of lifestyle I would wonder who would come to you in their hour of need? Is there a selfish limit you would attach to any assistance? If you had to check with your broker before you could help a friend in need, my guess is you have very few friends and a lot of ‘social acquaintances’. I am not saying that hoarding is bad or sharing is good. I am only saying whichever approach, whichever you choose, will contribute to your peace and happiness or your lack of it.I can tell you there is more satisfaction and peace gained by giving than by getting. The problem is you can’t give what you don’t value or have. If my time is valuable and I give you some of it, I gave you a gift. If your knowledge is valuable and you share it with me that is a gift. If your experiences can help me overcome challenges or difficulty and you share them with me that is a gift.
You can’t buy friendship. You can only buy financial dependence. The question I would like to leave you with is, what really matters in the life-long scheme of things, is it what you had or who you helped? Is it what you learned or what you shared? Is it what you accomplished or who you guided? Is it the wealth you died with or the legacy of you love, friendship and generosity?
Make Some Memories Every Day…