Words of wisdom for this week.
“The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” Anon
Communication between individuals is never easy. Clear communication between two people can be a real challenge sometimes. For example; I’ll bet that in the past few weeks you have experienced an email or text message to or from another person either business or personal that caused confusion, misunderstanding or even anger or hurt feelings. Why is this? First of all it is impossible to put true emotions or feelings into a 20 word text or even a 100 word email message. Add to this that everyone interprets what they read from where they are emotionally and perceptually at that moment and not from where you are. So a message delivered with the right intent and clarity can and will be misunderstood.
Effective selling is about communication and ensuring that this communication is clear, understood and accurately represents yours or the other person’s attitudes, beliefs, expectations or needs. I can tell you as a person who has spent the better part of his life communicating either through the written or spoken word that I still screw up with clients, friends, audiences and even my lady friend. Why? First of all because I often break the rules of effective communication that are so critical to mutual understanding. Secondly because I make assumptions that you “get” what I am saying or writing.
You can’t imagine how many emails I get each week from people who receive these weekly tips who say things like; “Tim, you just don’t get it” or I totally disagree with your premise(s). Yes, I also receive many emails from subscribers regarding the same messages with “Right on.” “You are on the money.” “Great stuff.” So how can a simple message be seen positively by one person and the same message be viewed negatively by another person?
Simple. We all have minds full of data that represents our conditioned beliefs, education, experiences, expectations and so many other life areas but the thing to remember is that your data is not and will never be the same as any other persons. So when communication it is essential that you keep a couple of basic ideas in mind.
1)Everyone assumes that the data in their mind is right.
2)Everyone’s data is constantly being upgraded with new experiences, information and just life in general.
3)No one has the right to assume that another person’s data should mimic their own.
4)No one’s data is either right or wrong but the result of their personal life experiences and outlook based on the people and situations they were exposed to.
5)When trying influence or persuade another if you only come from a position of your own data you will set the communication up for disappointment, frustration or even conflict.
6)You need to understand as much as possible about another person’s data if you hope to sell them anything.
7)People will defend their data (opinions, judgments, attitudes, values) to the death or until they come to the conclusion that maybe there is a better way and that they are willing to see that it’s time to upgrade their data.
8)Selling is not about forcing your data down the throats of others but helping them see where your data (ideas, solutions, approaches etc) will in the long term be better for them than the way they have always thought or believed.
9)When you attempt to make another person’s data wrong their natural response will be to defend their data and close their minds to whatever you have to say no matter how valid, appropriate or valuable.
10)Keep improving your data if you want to sell more.
So, if you want clear communication it’s not just about embracing the latest communication fad it’s about developing ways to improve understanding and acceptance. I would add that if your communication is increasingly relying on technology rather than the human touch sooner or later you are going to have some “splainin” to do.
Make Some Memories Every Day…