“If you do not the expect the unexpected you will not find it, for it is not to be reached by search or trail.”
Heraclitus
Every relationship has its challenges, peaks, valleys, successes, problems and issues that can have either a positive or negative impact on the quality of the relationship.
There is a psychological concept that states, “you get more of what you focus on.” In other words what you pay conscious attention to, you tend to increase in your life or relationship. Focus on lack, what is missing, and you will get more lack. Focus on what is working and positive and you get more of that as well.
In an article I wrote last year for a popular magazine, Microscope or Telescope, I shared how people in a new love or relationship tend to look at the relationship through a telescope. They don’t see many of the little aggravations, idiosyncrasies or behaviors of their partner that might otherwise upset or cause them stress. In a relationship that is failing the parties tend to look at the relationship through a microscope, micro-managing every little word, behavior, attitude and issue.
One of the common traits of happy and successful people in relationships (and these always don’t go together) is that they are grateful for their blessings and show appreciation often. They live with an attitude of patience and appreciation. They may want; more, better, different, less or something they don’t have, but they are thankful for what they do have NOW.
How about you? Are you thankful for the blessings that you have with someone that you are in a relationship with?
It is often easy to see what isn’t there or isn’t working. It takes maturity, commitment, love, forgiveness, acceptance and compassion to view your partner through positive eyes even though they may be falling short of your ideal. When you do this their perceived negative traits will not disappear but by focusing on them, attempting to get them to change, will only cause you stress and frustration. None of us is perfect or ever will be. If you are trying to find or create the perfect mate you are doomed to failure in this area of your life. Not that failure is bad, but why add this unnecessary aggravation to your life.
If you have a partner that contributes to your low self-esteem, invalidates you, does not have the same moral philosophy or in some way denigrates you either emotionally or psychologically you do not have to stay in the relationship. If they are unwilling to eliminate these behaviors from their life and subsequently your life you have a choice.
Tolerance, commitment, compassion and patience with your partner in a relationships is one thing, stupidity and false hope is another.